Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wednesday's Words - Ah, the lovely English language!

Lets face it

English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
In which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

PS  The artwork is called "Talking Back"  and it is available in my Etsy shop!


  1. Love the poem! Exactly the frustration I feel when teaching language to third graders! Sometimes I am left speechless at their questions. Love the picture that goes with the poem.

  2. Glad you all like the guinea hen - Talking Back about English ;-) And that you found this funny from Pastor Tim as good as I did! lol!

    I bet it is hard to explain English to third graders, Adventure ~ especially after they have watched TV! *roflol*

  3. Very enjoyable and creative. Love your paintings.

  4. Thanks, Sue - glad you enjoyed it!

  5. LOL I love these, someone sent me a similar email a day or so ago, cracked me up too!

    A few of these were repeated in yours I think, but they sure cracked me up!

    O x y m o r o n s

    1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

    2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

    3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

    4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

    5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

    6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

    7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

    8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

    9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
    when we are already there?

    10.Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

    11.Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

    12.Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

    13.Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

    14.Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

    15.Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

    16.If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

    17.If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

    18.If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    19.If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

    20.Why is bra singular and panties plural?

    21.Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
    when you know the batteries are dead?

    22.Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

    23.How come abbreviated is such a long word?

    24.Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

    25.Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    26.Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?

    27.Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front
    of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

    28.Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

    I dunno, why do we?

  6. Pam - I love those! lol - may have to share your list, too! great ones!


Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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