"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."
"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."
"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."
"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."
"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."
"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."
"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."
"Let's do this in one foul swoop."
"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."
"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."
"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."
"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."
"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."
"We have a permanent plan for the time being."
"Family planning has many misconceptions."
"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."
"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."
"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."
"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."
"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."
"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
Hope you had a good Wednesday laugh with these =)